[fusion_builder_container admin_label=”Large Screen text” hundred_percent=”no” hundred_percent_height=”no” hundred_percent_height_scroll=”no” hundred_percent_height_center_content=”yes” equal_height_columns=”no” menu_anchor=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” status=”published” publish_date=”” class=”@media only screen and ( min-width: 800px ) {padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 5px; }” id=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”15%” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”15%” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”center center” background_repeat=”no-repeat” fade=”no” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ background_blend_mode=”none” video_mp4=”” video_webm=”” video_ogv=”” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_loop=”yes” video_mute=”yes” video_preview_image=”” filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ type=”legacy”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ layout=”1_1″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_image_id=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” hover_type=”none” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”true” first=”true” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_1″][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”3″ font_size=”22px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” text_color=”” style_type=”default” sep_color=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=””]
The Perfect Relationship Metaphor: How can opposites work together in a relationship?
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How often do we hear that opposites attract in a relationship? This prediction might be true in many instances, but it’s lacking a key component: after the initial attraction, how the heck do opposites survive in a relationship?
We all have a number of different personality traits that make us who we are (even though it can be incredibly difficult to know who we are). You might be creative, understanding, and a good listener. They might be spontaneous, assertive, and competitive.
Because there are so many characteristics, it’d be impossible to date someone who matches up with you in every way (in fact, I don’t think we’d want that).
It’s inevitable differences will come up when there are opposites in a relationship.
The real challenge comes when some of our driving personality traits are opposite. And in particular, our driving weaknesses.
Plus, on top of these opposites, you need to be self-aware enough to recognize them.
.
My fiancé and I have very different personalities.
He’s more laid back and relationship-oriented, while I am more analytical and task-oriented. Usually these don’t negatively affect how we interact. Our main tension, however, exists in our shortcomings. He’s not always great at following through, and I’m not always great at letting things go.
You can probably imagine the conflict that this difference has caused us. Relationships are necessary for a meaningful life, but man, sometimes it feels pretty hard.
As we learned to live together, these opposing weaknesses would pop up over and over again.
The situations would be different, but the underlying issue would be the same: we fought over who was right (or, perhaps more accurately described, who was less wrong). And, because it kept happening over and over, even the smallest situations could trigger these charged emotions.
It was in one of these situations that I came up with a perfect metaphor for us to move forward. A mindset shift, if you will, in how we can change conflict into teamwork.
It also gave us a way to look past the damaging relationship myths that hold many of us back.
.
The perfect relationship metaphor for opposites: Driving a Car
If a car represents your relationship, and you want to drive it forward, you will need to use both pedals to successfully navigate the road. While the pedals have opposing functions, there is a time and place for each one’s use.
For the sake of our relationship metaphor, let’s say that the gas pedal and brake pedal represent each person’s strengths. In a relationship with two opposites, the other pedal most likely depicts each person’s main weakness.
As individuals, they’ve figured out how to get by – but as a couple, things get a little more complicated.
.
For example, my follow-through and go-go-go mindset can best be compared to the gas pedal, while my fiancé’s easygoing nature and willingness to let things go is the brake pedal. At times, my follow-through is exactly what we need to do certain things. Me slamming on the gas is great.
However, there are times when we (aka I) should be pumping the breaks a bit. Maybe it’s important to stop and get away from societal messages that are tricking me. Maybe this particular endeavor should be given up. Maybe (most often the case) it’s healthy to just stop and smell the flowers.
Here’s where my fiancé’s strength comes into play, and I need to allow him to push the brakes.
On the flip side, my fiancé faces instances when he’d be better served by putting a little more pressure on the gas.
Together, we wouldn’t get anywhere if we only used one pedal (despite how much we might think we can). If we want to drive our relationship forward, we need to use both pedals in different circumstances.
Are You Competing for Control?
As simple as this perfect relationship metaphor may seem, it actually has quite a bit of sophisticated truth. When both partners are competing for control, they are probably doing one of two things:
- Both slamming their respective pedals down, causing the metaphorical car to make loud noises, skid around, and in extreme cases, crash into a wall
- Both taking their feet off the gas in avoidance, causing the car to go nowhere
In your relationship, do you ever find yourself stalled with a certain situation or event? Do you feel like you’re each taking a stand, rather than finding a compromise?
These conflicts aren’t inherently bad – in fact, I would argue you need them in order to learn how to recognize when you are employing methods one or two in a contest for control.
Things You Need in our Perfect Relationship Metaphor
1. Communication
If you want your relationship to move forward, you must learn how to use each other to drive the car. This is where communication is key. Can you imagine two separate people pushing each pedal, not communicating with each other? Heck, we can’t even drive with more than one foot.
We must talk with our partners about how to drive. These talks will include a lot of factors: Where are we going? How important is it to us? How fast do we want to get there?
The more we can be in sync with our shared goals, the easier the driving process becomes.
2. Trust
A second key component to this shared driving responsibility is trust.
Both partners must trust that they are in a car that they want to be in, they are safe in the car, and they both want the car to move forward.
If the million rom-coms have taught us anything, it’s the fact that this is not always the case. Sometimes people in a relationship aren’t on the same page. It might take some time to figure this out. When people do come to this conclusion, hopefully they are in a situation where they can simply pull the car over and get out.
3. Vulnerability
Vulnerability is hard. Not only does it tap into our most innate need for belonging, but it’s riddled with harmful myths.
To successful drive the car in our perfect relationship metaphor, you need to be vulnerable with your partner.
This means that you’re willing to ask for help and identify your weaknesses. You have the courage to step back, when need be, and let your partner take the steering wheel. It might feel like a scary emotional risk, but being vulnerable is necessary for a meaningful life.
4. Open to Growth
When you have two very opposite personalities, it can be easy to default to permanent roles. I always manage the gas pedal, while he always hits the breaks. In many situations, using each other’s strengths can be beneficial.
It is also important to be open to learning and growth.
There are times in life when a partner is going to need to step up and man the other pedal. This is going to take courage and vulnerability from both parties: not only will you need to face one of your weaknesses, you will also have to relinquish control of your claimed strength.
When you do this as a couple, you should be in the seat next to each other. It doesn’t help anyone if one of you just hops in the back for the whole ride (cat naps, however, are acceptable).
If you plan on being in the car with the same person for a long time, it’s imperative that you are open for growth and changing roles.
Life will inevitably give you conflicts and changes that you might not be ready for. The more practice you have with sharing roles, the better off you’ll be.
.
How can this perfect relationship metaphor help you?
Sometimes a simple metaphor such as driving a car can help give you a fresh perspective on your relationship.
You can probably extend this metaphor even further with your relationship, but I don’t want to dilute the central message. In a relationship, two partners might have very different strengths and weaknesses. Rather than compete for control, you should learn how to communicate, trust, and use each other to drive the car forward.
From everything I’ve heard and believe, the road trip is worth it.
.
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FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS
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Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!
[/fusion_text][fusion_builder_row_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type=”1_2″ layout=”1_2″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” hover_type=”none” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”false” first=”true” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_2″ spacing_right=””][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”4″ font_size=”30px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”1px” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”-10px” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”-10px” text_color=”#ffffff” style_type=”single dashed” sep_color=”#022cff” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”-10px”]
EXPLORING YOURSELF
[/fusion_title][fusion_checklist icon=”fa-question-circle fas” iconcolor=”#0216f2″ circle=”no” circlecolor=”#e0e0e0″ size=”22px” divider=”yes” divider_color=”#ffffff” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility”][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Does this metaphor relate to your relationship in any way?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Where are you and your partner opposites? How have these opposites affected you?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Do you believe it’s important to learn from each other in a relationship?
[/fusion_li_item][/fusion_checklist][/fusion_builder_column_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type=”1_2″ layout=”1_2″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” hover_type=”none” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”true” first=”false” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_2″][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”4″ font_size=”30px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”1px” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”-10px” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”-10px” text_color=”#ffffff” style_type=”single dashed” sep_color=”#0220ff” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”-10px”]
EXPANDING YOUR WORLD
[/fusion_title][fusion_checklist icon=”fa-question-circle fas” iconcolor=”#0216f2″ circle=”no” circlecolor=”#ffffff” size=”22px” divider=”yes” divider_color=”#ffffff” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility”][fusion_li_item icon=””]
What percent of couples have opposite personality traits?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
What is the science behind attraction and love?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
What is the success rate of marriage in the United States?
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FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS
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Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!
[/fusion_text][fusion_builder_row_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type=”1_2″ layout=”1_2″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” hover_type=”none” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”false” first=”true” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_2″ spacing_right=””][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”4″ font_size=”24px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”1px” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”-10px” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”-10px” text_color=”#ffffff” style_type=”single dashed” sep_color=”#022cff” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”-10px”]
EXPLORING YOURSELF
[/fusion_title][fusion_checklist icon=”fa-question-circle fas” iconcolor=”#0216f2″ circle=”no” circlecolor=”#e0e0e0″ size=”22px” divider=”yes” divider_color=”#ffffff” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility”][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Does this metaphor relate to your relationship in any way?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Where are you and your partner opposites? How have these opposites affected you?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Do you believe it’s important to learn from each other in a relationship?
[/fusion_li_item][/fusion_checklist][/fusion_builder_column_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type=”1_2″ layout=”1_2″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” hover_type=”none” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”true” first=”false” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_2″][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”4″ font_size=”24px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”1px” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”-10px” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”-10px” text_color=”#ffffff” style_type=”single dashed” sep_color=”#0220ff” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”-10px”]
EXPANDING YOUR WORLD
[/fusion_title][fusion_checklist icon=”fa-question-circle fas” iconcolor=”#0216f2″ circle=”no” circlecolor=”#ffffff” size=”22px” divider=”yes” divider_color=”#ffffff” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility”][fusion_li_item icon=””]
What percent of couples have opposite personality traits?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
What is the science behind attraction and love?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
What is the success rate of marriage in the United States?
[/fusion_li_item][/fusion_checklist][/fusion_builder_column_inner][/fusion_builder_row_inner][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”no” hundred_percent_height=”no” hundred_percent_height_scroll=”no” hundred_percent_height_center_content=”yes” equal_height_columns=”no” menu_anchor=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility” status=”published” publish_date=”” class=”” id=”” background_color=”#000000″ background_image=”” background_position=”center center” background_repeat=”no-repeat” fade=”no” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ video_mp4=”” video_webm=”” video_ogv=”” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_loop=”yes” video_mute=”yes” video_preview_image=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”10″ padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”10″ admin_label=”Small screen follow-up” type=”legacy” border_sizes_top=”0px” border_sizes_bottom=”0px” border_sizes_left=”0px” border_sizes_right=”0px”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ layout=”1_1″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_image_id=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” hover_type=”none” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”true” first=”true” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_1″][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”1″ font_size=”” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”3px” margin_top=”5px” margin_bottom=”-40px” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” text_color=”#ffffff” style_type=”double solid” sep_color=”#0220ff” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=””]
FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS
[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”default” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=””]
Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!
[/fusion_text][fusion_builder_row_inner][fusion_builder_column_inner type=”1_2″ layout=”1_2″ spacing=”” center_content=”no” hover_type=”none” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” dimension_margin=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” last=”false” first=”true” border_sizes_top=”0″ border_sizes_bottom=”0″ border_sizes_left=”0″ border_sizes_right=”0″ type=”1_2″ spacing_right=””][fusion_title hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” content_align=”center” size=”4″ font_size=”30px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”1px” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”-10px” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”-10px” text_color=”#ffffff” style_type=”single dashed” sep_color=”#022cff” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”-10px”]
EXPLORING YOURSELF
[/fusion_title][fusion_checklist icon=”fa-question-circle fas” iconcolor=”#0216f2″ circle=”no” circlecolor=”#e0e0e0″ size=”18px” divider=”yes” divider_color=”#ffffff” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility”][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Does this metaphor relate to your relationship in any way?
[/fusion_li_item][fusion_li_item icon=””]
Where are you and your partner opposites? How have these opposites affected you?
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Do you believe it’s important to learn from each other in a relationship?
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EXPANDING YOUR WORLD
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What percent of couples have opposite personality traits?
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What is the science behind attraction and love?
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What is the success rate of marriage in the United States?
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