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Be more self-aware with these nine simple steps.

If I told you being more self-aware would guarantee greater happiness in life, would you try to do it? Unless your livelihood depends on being depressed and feeling meaningless (the human version of Eeyore, perhaps?), I imagine you’d at least consider it.

After all, there are many proven reasons that self-awareness will increase your well-being.

You see, the problem isn’t that people don’t want to be happy and self-aware.

The problem is that people don’t know how to be self-aware.

Every day you are inundated with messages of what you should do to increase your happiness. You should eat right, you should go to the gym, you should make money. And each time you don’t do that thing, you feel a little worse about yourself.

You also might lose some faith in the next “should do” thing that comes around (and your ability to do it).

But self-awareness is different.

Self-awareness is not something you should do, but something you can have.

Because of this, it does not require you to “add” something to your life and or start a new “active behavior,” at least not in the traditional sense.

(So stop yelling at me about how I’m being hypocritical in giving you another thing you “should do” (don’t worry, I had my earplugs in any way and couldn’t hear you anyway)).

If you want to skip to the ways you can be more self-aware, skip below.

Otherwise, read on to learn how being more self-aware is the groundwork for change, rather than another oh-good-add-it-to-the-list-of-things-I’ll-never-stick-with change.

Self-awareness is the foundation for all other changeable actions in your life.

Allow me to paint you a bizarre but specific metaphor. Let’s say all of the positive habits you should do (eat right, go to the gym, etc) are represented by piles of jello.

All of these gooey, jiggly colored cubes are sitting on the table in front of you, and you “should” eat them. Oh, and it’s dark because the lights are off and I’m the one making the metaphor.

You can feel around blindly at the piles with your hands, but you’ll have trouble finding the jello cubes. When you do, you can try to scoop up as much as you can to bring to your mouth, but inevitably a lot of the jello will slip through your fingers.

You also won’t know which pile to go for first, or which flavors taste good in sequence, or how to proportion out the right amount of jello for each bite.

All you know is that you need to eat the jello because you’re not sure how much is left and you want to be happy.

How will this end? Ultimately, you will sit there, full yet unsatisfied, with sticky hands and a colossal amount of jello spilled down your shirt. And then someone will come in and say, “But you didn’t try this new jello of [insert healthy habit here] that will change your life!”

And then you’re expected to repeat.

What does it mean to be more self-aware?

Do I still have your attention, or did I lose you with all the jello? If you’re still with me, keep reading – I bring the jello back.

Self-awareness is the ability to understand our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in a way that we can identify and name.

If we are self-aware, we can notice our internal preferences and emotional patterns. From there, we can monitor ourselves and make decisions based on what we want and feel.

For our gelatinous metaphor, self-awareness is not another pile of jello. Instead, it is an entirely new environment.

Being more self-aware is equivalent to the lights being turned on, a spoon being handed to you so you can eat without spilling, and oh yeah, a buffet of other foods that you can eat in addition to the jello.

Not to mention the capacity to sit back and determine which types of jello you actually enjoy.

In real life, you aren’t physically moved into a new environment when you become more self-aware.

You create a new environment within yourself that allows you to understand what you want, what you need, and how you can get there.

The benefits of being more self-aware will manifest themselves in multiple areas of your life.

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9 Ways to Be More Self-Aware

Being more self-aware is not a one-stop-shop, nor will every method work for every person. It is a process that takes practice and deliberation.

That being said, the level of actionable behavior you need to take (as opposed to actionable thought) varies.

I’ve divided up the nine ways into three main categories, starting with things that simply require a change of thought and ending with items that need more actionable behaviors.

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Actionable Thought

1. Ask what questions

Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s like drinking water from a fire hose.” That’s what we’re doing in the 21st century.

We’re receiving information from the outside (news, social media, advertisements, stories) at an ever-increasing rapid rate.

I have literally found myself reading an article on my computer while listening to a video while checking my phone while someone is talking to me in the next room. Talk about split attention.

Then, we’re expected to contemplate all this outside information when another layer of internal information (emotions, memories, revelations) is surfacing at the same time.

Essentially it’s like drinking water from a fire hose… with a mask on.

The simplest way to become more self-aware involves one very simple question: What?

The “What?” question will force you to consider your current state, whether it be emotional or rational. What emotions are you feeling? What thoughts are you having? What reactions are you experiencing?

It also makes you consider the causes. What caused you to feel a certain way? What made you think this?

The reason you should focus on “what” questions instead of “why” questions is to focus your mind on positive introspection.

When we ask “why”, we have a tendency to highlight our limitations and get bogged down with negative emotions. Asking “what” forces us to obtain practical information that we can use.

By taking the briefest of moments to ask these two questions, your self-awareness can skyrocket.

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2. To be more self-aware, notice recurring emotions and conflicts

Humans generally fall into emotional patterns without even realizing it. It’s remarkable, actually, how oblivious we can become to certain things around us and within us.

When you are in something, though, it can be incredibly challenging to see outside it.

My boyfriend and I have a very healthy relationship (at least I like to think so). Yet it seemed like once every couple weeks, we would start arguing over something little.

Before we fought, I would feel this anxious frustration in my chest. It would manifest itself in anger toward him, and I had no idea why.

Because of our poor ability to identify our patterns, it’s important to take a moment and ask yourself:

• When do I find myself experiencing the same emotions over and over again?

Once you identify a repeat offender, you need to go back to our two essential questions:

• What is the situation that triggers this emotion?
• What about this particular situation is triggering?

You’ll be surprised at what comes up with these simple questions.

For the pattern with my boyfriend, I didn’t realize that a specific action – him saying he was going to do something and then not doing it – triggered the emotion in me.

It took the pattern repeating multiple times (once again, humans aren’t so smart) and an outside party to help me realize this.

A little more digging revealed that it wasn’t about cleaning the apartment, or going to the gym, or [insert action here], but instead my fear of vulnerability and putting my trust in him.

Now, being more self-aware about my recurring emotion didn’t solve the problem. Still, it did pave the way for having meaningful conversations and reframing my perspective.

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3. Check-in and daily reflection

Much to my college professor’s dismay, reflection does not always need to come in the form of a lengthy, formal, bullshittified paper (what happens when I’ve reflected on everything by page two of eight?). In fact, it doesn’t need to be lengthy at all.

If you want to be more self-aware, all you need to do is implement tiny reflections into your routine.

During these reflections, you just need to give yourself time to consider your day’s events and ask yourself, “How did that go?” Then contemplate the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors you had as a response.

I do this frequently after my interactions with students. How did my conversation with them go? What could I have done better? What got in my way?

These reflections do not need to be anything formalized or grand.

They can take the form of random check-in moments; perhaps a few minutes during lunch, after a big meeting, or when you’re feeling particularly emotional.

They also can be daily reflections, such as on your drive home, during dinner, or before you go to bed.

(Sidenote: attaching the new habit of reflection to an existing habit can help you to establish a routine. For example, perhaps you reflect every time you brush your teeth at night).

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Minimal Actionable Behavior

4. Talk it out with friends / Have friends ask you questions

Without meaning to, we can get pretty stuck in our own heads and experiences. Have you ever spent hours trying to figure out how to do something, and then someone else comes up and shows you the answer in less than ten seconds?

The person wasn’t necessarily smarter than you. They just had a different perspective that allowed them to see something that you couldn’t.

The same is true in life.

Whether it be our emotions, memories, or faulty way of thinking, we cannot always see the simple answer from our perspective.

Just like our phone screens sometimes freeze despite all the computations happening, our brains get stuck on one thing as well. For me, my brain will get stuck and then play that one thing on repeat like a damn cliched broken record player.

This is why it can be extremely beneficial to talk out your dilemmas (and joys) with your friends.

You will discover things by voicing your thoughts aloud.

Your friends can also offer questions and insight to knock your brain loose from its frozen screen and consider a novel idea.

This method of developing self-awareness is incredibly easy to implement; in fact, you probably do it now. Simply make a point of bringing up more “stuck” things with your friends, and you’ll get feedback on yourself.

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5. To be more self-aware, ask for feedback

Sometimes it is helpful to get feedback through more formal requests.

By asking the people around us for feedback – whether at work or at home – we can gain more self-awareness about our behaviors and impacts.

This doesn’t mean that you need to print out a ten-page questionnaire about your life. Merely asking a few simple questions can do wonders, such as:

• How am I doing?
• How can I do better?
• What am I doing well?

It’s important to note that feedback does not always need to come in the form of something negative that we need to improve.

Focusing on our strengths is proven to help us just as much as focusing on our weaknesses.

Let’s say I’m trying to show more sympathy for my friend since I feel like I’ve been a little bit distracted and self-centered lately. I’ve sent her a couple funny gifs, invited her to spin class, and offered to host a party to give her something fun to look forward to.

I feel like I’m being supportive.

Maybe I’m helping her to feel better, but maybe not. Perhaps all she really wants is to talk and be heard in a setting she feels comfortable in (aka not my workout class or my party).

A simple question of, “Am I being supportive in the way you need?” can do wonders.

Asking for feedback can trigger our fear of vulnerability, but it can also be huge in developing our self-awareness and building more meaningful connections.

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6. Learn and apply what you know about human nature

While I don’t expect you all to pursue an advanced degree in neuroscience or sociology, it will benefit you to learn a little bit about human nature and how it works.

The human brain is a wondrous, complex, and flawed thing.

The more you know about the beast, the more you can be self-aware of how it affects you.

For example, we are wired to focus on what we lack (because of our evolutionary need for survival). Yet, this phenomenon can literally lower our brain capability.

Imagine if you knew this, identified how it was affecting you, and found ways to solve it.

We also are wired to need a sense of belonging. We also have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others was bringing down our levels of happiness. Wouldn’t it be nice to be more self-aware about who you are comparing yourself to in order to change?

The study of human nature could take you years. Still, if you’re more open to hearing and remembering certain tendencies and flaws, you will find yourself becoming more self-aware.

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Actionable Behavior

7. Write down your goals and plans

Unless you are trying to embody the wayward, adrift existence of a cloud, you have some sort of goals in your life.

(STOP – for those of you who feel an overwhelming anxiety and frustration for not having life goals, you don’t need to have a list of perfectly defined life goals at this exact moment. That comes later. No need to click off my website with the metaphorical anger of slamming a door in my face).

What I mean is that you have goals – or, a less triggering word – plans of things for your future. For some of you, that may be working toward a career path. For others, that may be saving enough money to buy a dank new pair of shoes.

Regardless of what it is you want, it’s important to take the time to reflect on these things and write them down.

By writing down your goals and plans, you are being deliberate in what you want and developing your self-awareness as you work to achieve them.

For this blog, I’ve set goals to work on it for one year (at that point, I’m going to stop and reflect). I’ve also shared these goals with some of my closest people, as it made them feel more real.

Additionally, a written account can hold you more accountable.

For example, Jada might wistfully dream of a manager position, a new volunteering position, and a baby bunny. However, saying the words to friends or daydreaming about them at work will do little to lock them in.

Jada would benefit much more from an actual list that she can look at and see: manager, volunteer, bunny.

It can be useful to check in with your goals and plans every so often to see how you’re doing, if they’ve changed, and what that says about what you (aka… being self-aware).

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8. Tell your story from the outside perspective

This exercise might feel weird, but it can have astonishing results in helping you become more self-aware. Take some time to narrate the story of your life in the third person.

This story can be as detailed or general as you want; that being said, it will need to have some specificity for you to realize something.

You can write it down, say it aloud, or even just think about it (perhaps on a walk or car ride).

It can be a private affair or one that you share with someone you trust. It can also be helpful to stop and ask questions of the character – aka you – along the way.

Why the hell would you do this, you ask? By stepping outside of yourself, you will be able to learn something about yourself that you couldn’t do from your own eyes.

You can look at the patterns and trajectory of your life without being clouded by experiencing the actual situations.

Allow me to paint a small example. Kara majored in English in college because she liked the subject and didn’t know what she wanted to do. Since she had space to fill in her senior schedule, she picked up a communication major for many of the same reasons.

Kara wanted to fill her resume, so she also took an internship in the writing center, the communications department, and her dad’s company.

Why did she take all these internships? Kara hated not having a clear direction, so she wanted to make sure she was as qualified as possible for whatever she ended up choosing.

Hmm, it sounds like Kara has a problem with uncertainty and dives into too much before fulling understanding herself. Perhaps she should tell her story to become more self-aware.

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9. Journal to be more self-aware

Journaling is an effective way to explore yourself and your thoughts in the safety of a private notebook.

By writing about your experiences, you are giving yourself the time to reflect, consider your thoughts and emotions, and build your self-awareness.

Self-insight expert Tasha Eurich explains that for journaling to be effective in being more self-aware, we should follow a few basic principles:

• Don’t over-question or dwell on the positives in our life

When writing about the negative things, make sure your goal is to find a change or solution (not just to rant)

• Don’t journal every day

As much as I promote journaling (I’m an English teacher, after all), I’ve always found it challenging to keep a consistent journal. My childhood bedroom is still littered with notebooks filled with two “Dear Diary” entries and then blank pages.

Some strategies to build a journaling habit include:

• Setting yourself a reminder
• Finding a time of the day that you have at least five minutes to write
• Finding alternative ways to journal (bullet journaling, doing an audio recording, typing an email to yourself, blogging)

Whatever you choose, you must focus your reflective journaling on how to be more self-aware of yourself.

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Conclusion

We know that being more self-aware has numerous benefits, but we often put up blockers to learning more about it. This wall goes up because self-awareness feels like yet another thing we “should do.”

In reality, self-awareness is something that we can have – and it is one that does not take that much effort to develop.

The first category of ways you can be more self-aware involves simple thinking patterns:

1. Implement the habit of asking “what” questions throughout your day to take inventory of your thoughts and emotions
2. Identify recurring behavioral and emotional patterns
3. Conduct check-in or daily reflections

Other ways can be easily implemented in your everyday life:

1. Talk out your experiences with friends
2. Ask for feedback
3. Apply what you know about human nature

Finally, you can take specific action to help you become more self-aware:

1. Write down your goals
2. Tell your story from an outside perspective
3. Journal and follow good journaling practices

Being more self-aware takes practice, but it’s worth it.

If you are interested in finding out more about the steps you need to take to achieve self-awareness, read 22 Questions for Self-Discovery.

Otherwise, check out the questions below and answer one of them in a comment. I mean honestly, what can 60 seconds of typing a question hurt? Who knows, perhaps it’ll start you on your path to self-awareness.

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TAKE THE FIRST STEP IN LIVING YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC LIFE WITH:

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The Art of Being Self-Aware

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Learn how to discover yourself, unearth your purpose, and start living your most authentic life.

Did you know that 90% of people think they’re self-aware? In reality, less than 10% actually are.

Stop letting your emotions, biases, and flawed ways of thinking hold yourself back. Learn how to recognize your flaws and fight against harmful cultural assumptions.

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A Complete Course & Ebook

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• Understand what you’re feeling and what you can do to manage your emotions instead of being controlled by them.
• Recognize the behaviors and coping mechanisms that hold you back.
• Learn to free yourself from the confines of shame and fear.
• Discover your brand of joy and how to live the values that make you come alive.
• Own your personality by highlighting your strengths and reframing your weaknesses.
• Identify why your relationships aren’t as good as they can be and how to build more meaningful ones.
• Transform your mindset and see how it can transform your life.

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• What self-awareness is
• What’s getting in the way of your self-awareness
• The roles that shame and acceptance play in your self-awareness
• How to understand and identify your behaviors
• How to correctly name your emotions and recognize your patterns
• What your personality, strengths, and weaknesses are (and how to use them)
• How to define your brand of joy and direction in life (and steps to achieve it)
• Habits for a self-aware life

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Strong scientific evidence has proven that people who are self-aware:

• Are generally happier
• Make smarter decisions
• Have stronger relationships
• Are more creative and confident
• Raise more mature children
• Are better communicators
• Are better performers at work
• Get more promotions
• Are more effective leaders (one study proving that self-awareness is the strongest predictor of overall success for a leader)

Would you invest $39 in yourself for just one of these benefits?

The best part – you can get a full refund if it doesn’t work with you.

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This course is designed with you in mind. That’s why it:

• Has an easy-to-follow format on Teachable that is entirely self-paced
• Includes videos, transcripts, and summaries for any learning style
• Gives you a complete workbook, as well as a downloadable “cheatsheet” at the end of every lesson
• Contains two self-awareness activities for every lesson
• Is divided into sections, so you can pick and choose what you want to focus on

Want to see what I mean? You can check out a full preview and course curriculum here.

Don’t want to go through online lessons? No problem! You can download the complete Ebook, which has all of the lessons, questions, and activities in one easy-to-use PDF.

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Not interested in the full course? Subscribe below to get the FREE mini-course delivered directly to your inbox.

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FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS

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Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!

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EXPLORING YOURSELF

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Which of the nine ways strikes you as the most intriguing? Why?

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Which of the nine ways surprised you the most? Why?

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In what areas do you think you need to develop your self-awareness the most?

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EXPANDING YOUR WORLD

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What aspects of human nature are most impactful to learn and apply in life?

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How can humans get better at developing new habits?

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Why is it important to write down your goals?

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