9 Myths About Relationships that Hold Us Back

Myths about relationship

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Cultural myths about relationships are holding you back.

If you’re like me, you’ve seen your fair share of rom-coms, Disney movies, and shows that glamorize falling in love. You know the story. Two people lock eyes across the room. They immediately have chemistry (and like, aren’t awkward at all – what’s that about?). Naturally, they fall in love and live happily ever after (although we never really see the “ever after” part).

Unfortunately, these false depictions set us up for failure in our own lives.

We believe myths about relationships that give us false expectations for our own experiences in life. As a result, our own love life seems disappointing or overly burdensome.

If we want to have happy, healthy relationships, we need to dispel the myths about relationships that might be damaging our opportunities for love.

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Why It’s Important to Learn the Myths About Relationships

Imagine if you’re really excited about a laid-back cruise. The travel agent promised it would be the most relaxing vacation you could hope for. So you booked your tickets, bought a new swimsuit, and took time off work.

As you board the ship, you have visions of laying in the sun and lounging by the pool for days on end. “I can’t wait to do nothing,” you might say.

Now imagine if, instead of a laid-back cruise, you actually booked an adventure cruise. Rather than laying in the sun, you’ll be snorkeling in the reefs; instead of lounging by the pool, you’ll be waking up early each morning for a tropical hike excursion.

The adventure cruise could be a fantastic time. However, you’re not going to fully enjoy it if you had the relaxing cruise in mind. You’ll grumble about the activities and lament over what could have been (you, a pool noodle, and a strawberry daiquiri).

The myths about relationships are like signing up for an unexpected cruise.

Humans like to know what they’re getting into. Not only do we thrive on certainty, but we also are biased to focus more on what we’re missing out on than what we have.

For our cruise example, you found yourself disappointed and frustrated. But, had you planned on an adventure cruise, you probably could’ve had a grand old time (and still managed to sneak in a strawberry daiquiri).

Relationships aren’t always laid-back relaxation with a fruity umbrella drink. In fact, they rarely are. Especially at first. If we go into relationships believing these myths, we’ll end up disappointed and not ready for love.

However, if we learn the myths about relationships and understand them, we can be more prepared to experience love.

Cruise ship

The benefits of loving relationships and belonging

Humans need to feel a sense of belonging, and loving partnerships are an excellent means for this.

Loving relationships affect more than just our emotions. They actually have many physical and psychological benefits, as well.

  • People are in healthy, committed relationships will:
  • Reduce the stress they experience in life
  • Improve their chances of healing after an injury or recovering after a surgery
  • Give them a greater sense of purpose
  • Drastically decrease their likelihood of depression and anxiety
  • Increase their life expectancy

These benefits can only be experienced, however, if we have a real understanding of relationships. We need to know what they are and what they are not.

9 Myths About Relationships that are Destroying Your Chance for Love

1. Everyone has a soulmate

The notion that everyone has a soulmate, while magical, prevents us from finding real love. Yet we still toss around the word “soulmate” like a bad cold. How does it negatively affect us?

First, the myth of soulmates makes us think that there’s only one perfect person out there.

Logistically, this doesn’t make sense. You’re telling me that, in a world of 7.7 billion people, I’m only destined for one person? That doesn’t bode well for my chances of finding this one person, given that I live in a town with a population of only 6,000 people.

Furthermore, if there is only one perfect person, we can feel like we “missed them.” That we only have one big love and, if we screw it up, we’ll never get it again. But what about widows who find another loving relationship?

Second, the myth of soulmates makes us think that our relationship should be perfect.

After all, if we’re soulmates, how can we expect there to be any challenges or frustrations? And then, when there are, we immediately question the entire relationship. We feel like these challenges are a sign of something wrong. In reality, challenges are a natural part of love.

Myths about relationship

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2. Falling in love is easy

One of the biggest myths about relationships is that falling in love is easy. Once you find “the one,” the steps in your life will just fall into place: dating, love, and happily ever after.

By thinking that love is easy, we fail to acknowledge the complexities in life.

Many of you have probably heard the phrase “timing and chemistry.” Two people do need chemistry to fall in love. But they also need to have the right timing. Let’s face it, our lives are complicated. Where we work, where we live, what we want, who we desire – all of these factors play a role in some pretty huge life decisions.

Falling in love can be beautiful, but we need to be open to the fact that it isn’t always easy.

The more realistic you are, the more rational you can be about the decisions and compromises that you’ll need to make.

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3. You’ll never fight

Ideally, there won’t be a lot of fighting if you’re in a healthy and secure relationship. That being said, it’s naive to think that you’ll never fight.

Humans are complicated beings. We’re irrational, emotionally wired, and affected by evolutionary things that developed millions of years ago. Two different people can’t co-exist without some disagreements.

The myth that you’ll never fight creates a harmful mindset that limits your growth.

Especially in the early stages of relationships, conflict is vital to a couple’s development.

My fiance and I barely fought in the first year of dating. As our relationship got more serious, we began to fight more. Had we believed this myth, we would’ve seen the fighting as a bad sign. However, the truth was that we needed the disagreements to learn about each other.

From our fights, we realized what was important and matured as a couple.

Don’t see a fight as a sign of a bad relationship. Instead, respectful arguments can be beneficial for a couple.

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4. You just “get” each other

Would I love it if my fiance understood what I was thinking all of the time? (Or even better, knew what I wanted before I even knew it?) Yeah, absolutely – that sounds great. But it isn’t realistic.

Even if you are happily in love, it can be detrimental to think that your partner will automatically “get” you.

Most of us don’t even “get” ourselves. On top of that, we’re continually evolving in our attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs. Our partners aren’t mind readers (unless you’re reading Twilight).

While we can improve our communication and recognize each other’s patterns, we will never be 100% on the same page. If we assume that we will, we’ll set our partners up for failure. We also won’t get what we want.

Believing in this myth is like throwing your partner into a dark room and telling them to find the furniture. Sure, they’ll stumble into it eventually – but not without a few bumps and curses along the way.

Rather than believe the myth that people in love will understand each other, we need to communicate what we’re thinking and feeling.

Loving relationships

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5. You will love everything about your partner

Another common myth is that we should love everything about our partner. After all, if we’re meant to be together, we must fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces, right?? (Wrong.)

It would be impossible to find someone with every quality you desire. And you wouldn’t want to anyway.

Not only is this unrealistic, but it prevents a more profound love from forming.Instead, we need to understand that we can love someone wholeheartedly and still not love everything about them.

Some of the things that my fiance does drive me crazy (like, bang my head against the wall crazy). But many of those things have also taught me to appreciate differences, define my own values, and realize my own shortcomings.

By accepting our partners as people, we can learn from our differences and help each other to grow.

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6. You have to give up your independence

Maybe I’ve watched too many old sitcoms. Still, multiple times I’ve seen the same storyline play out. Two people who are living independent lives meet, fall in love, and give up a piece of themselves to assume the role as “spouse” or “partner.”

It’s a myth that we have to give up our independence to be in a relationship.

Yes, relationships require a great deal of compromise. In some cases, sacrifices must be made. That being said, you should never have to sacrifice your personal goals and beliefs to be in a relationship.

In fact, it’s incredibly healthy for two people to maintain a level of independence.

Whether that’s pursuing separate goals, taking time for different hobbies, or allowing space apart, autonomy is necessary for the individuals, and relationship, to thrive. It’s in our alone time that we can develop our self-awareness.

The important thing is for both partners to communicate their independence and come together when they need to.

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7. Your partner will never hurt you

We expect our partners to be a lot of things: our trusted confidant, our biggest cheerleader, our loyal protector. Sometimes we get caught up in these expectations and forget that they are still human, too.

We set ourselves up for failure if we think that our partners will never hurt us.

Now, I don’t mean to say that we should be actively waiting for our partners to hurt us. Nor should we allow them to be malicious and hurt us purposefully.

But they’re going to make mistakes. When you spend your life with someone, there are bound to be events that will have unforeseen consequences. Inevitably, your partner will do something that unintentionally hurts you. More than likely, you’re going to do something that hurts them.

If we buy into this myth, we’ll probably overreact when these moments happen.

Instead, we should be ready with a mind for communication and forgiveness.

Myths about relationship

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8. Passion ends in a relationship after the “honeymoon period”

How many times have you heard that passion dies in every relationship after the honeymoon period? (Also, has anybody ever wondered where the term “honeymoon” comes from?).

Relationships don’t need to become passion-less after a passionate start.

Sure, the beginning of the relationship might be all hot and heavy. It also might be relatively carefree, since you’re just getting to know each other. But as relationships evolve, passion can take on new meaning.

For example, you might find that you’re passionate about growing together. As you make major life decisions, you might discover new passions in kids, routines, or travel. Amidst these life changes, you can still maintain a healthy sex life.

Falling in love can be fun, but it doesn’t hold the weight that being in a loving relationship does.

In fact, falling in love and being in love are two very different things. Your brain even releases different chemicals as you go through each stage. But you only experience the real benefits of belonging when you’re in a committed, long term relationship.

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9. There are specific gendered roles in a relationship

While we’re past the June Cleaver family dynamic, gender biases still play a role in our perceptions. In heteronormative relationships, we generally look to the females as the caretakers of the children and household. Then, we look to the males to be the primary breadwinners.

Don’t believe me? Check out the unequal division of labor involving household tasks. (Also, consider the last name of your family… is it your mother’s name or father’s name?)

Gender stereotypes are harmful to both genders. They are also damaging to relationships.

When we aren’t aware of our gender biases, we make assumptions that can lead to conflict and unhappiness.

Both individuals in a relationship should have an equal say in how roles are divided. For your relationship to flourish, make sure that you and your partner both keep an open mind about a breakdown of household responsibilities. (*Homosexual relationships – the gender stereotypes may or may not apply, but this advice still holds true).

Relationship advice

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Conclusion

Our society creates a lot of myths about relationships. Whether from media or pop culture, false perceptions about how relationships work negatively influence our perspective on dating. As a result, we hurt our chances of finding romantic love.

The more we can be aware of these myths about relationships, the more successful we can be at maneuvering through our love lives.

The myths about relationships include:

  1. Everyone has a soulmate
  2. Falling in love is easy
  3. You’ll never fight
  4. You just “get” each other
  5. You will love everything about your partner
  6. You have to give up your independence
  7. Your partner will never hurt you
  8. Passion ends in a relationship after the “honeymoon period”
  9. There are specific gendered roles in a relationship

Do you feel like you understand these myths, but you’re still struggling to find harmony if your relationship? If so, you might need to learn how your childhood is affecting your relationship.

Which of these myths did you believe the most? Why? Consider these questions and more in the comment section below!

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FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS

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Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!

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EXPLORING YOURSELF

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Which of these myths did you believe as the truth?

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When have false perceptions hindered one of your relationships?

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How did you develop your perspective on what romantic relationships are supposed to look like?

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EXPANDING YOUR WORLD

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What is the biggest influencer in terms of cultural expectations?

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How does the outlook on romantic relationships differ between different countries?

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What qualities are essential for a loving relationship to last?

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2 thoughts on “9 Myths About Relationships that Hold Us Back”

  1. Oddly, I was always suspicious of “happy couples” because they weren’t how I imagined two people who live together actually were. I’ve come to find that “happy couple” doesn’t always mean PDA and overly bubbly lovey smoochy kisses types of relationships (it took a surprisingly long time to learn this).

    I find myself, on my days off, cooking and cleaning up the house because I know from my perspective nothing on Earth feels better than coming home to a great meal (no dish duty) and an ear to bend. It seems like a chore, but to be honest, the feeling of seeing her grin from ear to ear because she can come home to kick up her feet is well worth the oven mitts and Mr. Clean (I am not an official spokesman nor am I sponsored by Mr. Clean, but if you are reading this, Procter & Gamble, haaaaay).

    Great stream on Twitch, see you next Tuesday! Please, do send Moose my regards.

    1. Hey Jack, thanks for reading and commenting (and viewing!). I definitely used to think happy couples were all about perfection (in particular, never fighting). I remember when I was younger somebody told me, “Marriage is hard work,” and I was shocked. Love isn’t supposed to be work! Definitely took me some redefining to find a healthier viewpoint in my life and for my relationship (Actually, being in a serious relationship really taught me a lot about these myths too).Love your example of the clean house – I think we need to get back to acts of love that mean something to us, not acts that we see on TV and think mean true love.

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