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Build meaningful relationships that matter.

You understand the importance of belonging, have connections with people in your life, and want to build meaningful relationships that matter. Check-check-check… but what’s next?

Building meaningful relationships requires you to utilize your abilities and connections in a way that brings meaning to your life. The first step is being motivated to do so. And believe me, there are a lot of reasons that make it worth it.

The next step is reading the strategies for how you can do so – and you’ve come to the right place.

Types of Relationships that You Need

The human need for belonging can’t be understated, nor can the fact that this belonging needs to be satisfied in different areas of your life. In fact, there are five different types of relationships that you need in your life to feel fulfilled.

The five types of relationships are:

1. Family

• A close group of people that you feel decidedly connected with and share pivotal life experiences with. People who’ve been with you for a long time and you can count on.

2. Friendships

• People whom you share mutual affection with. These relationships are driven by trust, care, and enjoyment of each other’s company.

3. Proximity people

• People who have close proximity to you and your daily routine, despite not being a trusted confidant. They might be your coworkers, classmates, baristas – anybody that you see on a regular or semi-regular basis.

4. Collective relationships

• People with whom we share some type of collective identity or group membership. We are connected by an overarching cause or affiliation, which automatically links us into a unified sense of belonging.

5. Romantic relationships

• When the timing is right, people whom we maintain a deep, loving, and romantic connection with. This gives us a mutual sense of “we belong to each other.”

Building meaningful relationships that matter in all five categories is crucial for happiness.

9 Ways to Build Meaningful Relationships that Matter

1. Avoid the trap of superficial conversations

It’s extremely easy to “feel connected” in today’s society. We can text each other multiple times a day, we can see each other’s life updates on Instagram, and we can chat with each other while playing an online game. We feel like we know what’s going on in each other’s lives.

This deceiving feeling of connection is hindering us from authentic dialogue and real connection.

Anytime conversations are happening through texting, an enormous amount of communication is lost with nonverbal signs and intonation. The emotion is being taken out of conversations (no matter how many emojis or gifs you use). As a result, a great deal of emotion is missing from the relationship.

Additionally, conversations that are happening through online activities, such as gaming, simply means that you are splitting your attention away from the person.

Imagine if you were hanging out with your friend, and one of you was alphabetizing the bookshelf. At the same time, the other person was trying to drive a lawnmower (what an odd pairing of activities to be doing). Now imagine if you two attempted to have a genuine conversation during this time.

It’d be impossible to give your full attention to your friend – which is what relationships need.

To build meaningful relationships that matter, we need to have attentive conversations with the people in our life. This means that we are talking with them, entirely focused on them, and learning about them through a conversation between us two directly.

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2. Reach out with a phone call or FaceTime

Sometimes it’s challenging to have these attentive conversations in person. When this happens, we can build meaningful relationships by reaching out with a phone call or Facetime call.

In our fast-paced, never-enough-time culture, time is one of the most valuable currencies that we have. By taking the time to talk on the phone, therefore, we are demonstrating how much we value the other person.

I’m someone who keeps busy with many things (working, socializing, writing this blog, desperately wishing my readers would follow this blog). It’s easy for me to forget about calling the people who don’t live around me. Fortunately, there are strategies for reaching out to build meaningful relationships.

• Establish a time or routine

If you’re having trouble finding a time to connect, or you keep forgetting to call, establish a time with the other person that you both can stick to. Perhaps you will call on your drive home from work on Tuesdays, or Facetime after dinner on Wednesday evenings. While these plans don’t need to be set in stone, they can help you prioritize reaching out.

• Download apps

There are many apps now that help you keep track of you haven’t talked to in a while. By taking a few minutes to set up an app, you can prioritize the people in your life who you want to call more.

• Just do it

Sometimes, you just need to do it. Call the people you haven’t talked to in a bit. And if they don’t answer or get back to you? That’s okay. Call them again when you think of it.

My college roommate Sierra and I call each other every couple of months. If she doesn’t answer my call or get back to me, I don’t take it personally. Next time I think of her, I’ll just call her again.

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3. Find common interests

Finding common interests is critical for building meaningful relationships. While a relationship shouldn’t be based solely on common interests, science has proven that we are drawn to people who have similar personalities and interests.

Finding and sharing common interests can help build new relationships and revitalize old ones.

Let’s say you have a close circle of your college friends. After graduation, it’s inevitable that the interests you once shared no longer play a role (stealing popcorn from the bar, feasting at dining hall brunch, negotiating rides home with the pizza delivery guy (no, just me?)). It can be easy for these relationships to dissipate as you go your separate ways and start new lives.

By finding new common interests, you can ensure the relationship endures through life change. Perhaps you both found a new interest in yoga, or hiking trips, or Real Life marathons. Whatever it is, it can help you to stay connected.

Not only are we drawn to commonalities, but shared interests can bond us in a way that we wouldn’t have otherwise.

We can feel a sense of belonging to a collective “we.” Our brains are quick to latch onto this affiliation and reap the benefits.

Finally, common interests have the obvious benefit of giving us a built-in plan for something to do.

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4. Establish a routine

For many reasons, we can become averse to reaching out and making plans (we’re tired out, we’re overwhelmed by the infinite number of choices, we’re anxious about asking). Today’s society makes us feel like we don’t have enough time, and we don’t have the energy.

That’s why establishing a routine or patten with someone can do wonders for your relationship.

Instead of going through the whole process of planning, deciding, and executing every time, establish a routine. That way, the expectations are clear. This takes off any pressure that might come otherwise.

For example, my cousin and I try to Facetime once a week. We started doing it when I went off to college and have maintained the practice for ten years now. However, we weren’t very consistent at first. Our call kept getting pushed back or skipped over. Then we established a routine: every Sunday night after dinner, we would talk.

By building it into our schedules, we established consistency.

These routines don’t need to be just for scheduled calls. Perhaps you can make it a routine to go grocery shopping together, hike once a month, or watch the same TV show and debrief after you watch an episode. Maybe you start following the same blog and talk about how much it changed your life (see what I did there?).

Whatever the activity, establishing a routine will help you to build meaningful relationships in your life.

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5. Ask questions

Shared interests and routines are vital, but connections need more than shared time to be purposeful in your life. To build meaningful relationships, you need to feel and share a mutual interest in each other’s lives as well.

One way you can show your care for someone else is to ask questions about their life.

There’s a reason Pinterest has hundreds of pins with titles like “25 Questions to Get to Know a Friend,” “37 Questions to Develop Intimacy,” or “117 Questions Before Buying an Ostrich” (okay, maybe I made the last one up). Questions allow us to get beyond the surface level and connect with a person on a deeper level.

A relationship needs trust for it to be meaningful. Questions help us to understand each other better and empathize with the other person. They allow us to show ourselves more fully, which is necessary if we want to have healthy and meaningful connections.

Asking questions also demonstrates a powerful message: it’s not just about me; I care about you.

If you want to build meaningful relationships in your life, an easy way is to ask more questions.

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6. Listen and remember

Asking questions is step one, but you won’t get very far if you don’t listen to the other person’s answers. If you want the other person to feel safe and secure in the relationship, you need to prove that you care about what they’re saying.

To build meaningful relationships, make sure you listen and remember what the other person is saying.

I’m sure we can all think of a time when we told someone something… and then that person completely forgot it (or, even worse, didn’t listen in the first place). I know I get all sorts of frustration-fueled-by-insecurity when I have to tell my fiance the same thing twice.

Particularly if we say something difficult to share – which is key to building a meaningful relationship – the other person encourages us by listening attentively.

In our overstimulated world, it can be typical not to hear someone’s message. Try to be present in conversations. Active listening includes being patient, not judging, and giving feedback.

Even if you do listen attentively, remembering also can be challenging at times.

If you have trouble remembering details, you can create a note on your phone to jot down the essential things you might want to circle back to.

Listening and remembering shows the other person that you are invested in them and the relationship.

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7. Follow Up

The simplest, yet most neglected, practice in building meaningful relationships is to follow up.

Following up with someone can take on various forms, including:

• Sending a text message after you do something together that reflects on the experience and expresses that you enjoyed it
• Remembering a significant event or date for the other person and wishing them good luck/asking them how it went
• Asking about the big things going on a person’s life, either good or bad
• Saying thank you for something the other person did for you, their commitment to the relationship, or their role in your life

We’re human; no matter how much we can say, “I can go at this alone,” we know that we need real connection and a sense of belonging.

When someone follows up with us, we automatically feel valued.

On the flip side, it doesn’t take that much to follow up with the people in our lives. Remind yourself of all the warm and fuzzies that you feel when someone sends that follow-up message, and do it for them.

The more you follow up in genuine ways, the quicker you will build a meaningful relationship.

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8. Be vulnerable

Thousands of people have “relationships” in their life with people they talk to regularly. However, if they don’t talk about meaningful things, they will never feel the closeness that they need to experience a real sense of belonging.

A meaningful relationship means that both people dare to be vulnerable and present their true selves.

Being vulnerable is extremely difficult for many of us (yours truly, included). We’ve created a lot of myths around vulnerability. Still, the most significant thing holding us back from being vulnerable is shame and fear. We are afraid that, if we put ourselves out there, we’ll be rejected.

For this reason, millions of people are holding back and preventing their relationships from developing into the genuine connections we need to be happy.

Trust does not come before vulnerability; instead, the two qualities build off of each other. The more vulnerable we can be, the more we can trust that we are accepted and loved for who we are.

Some of you might be thinking: why do I have to be the vulnerable one? Why doesn’t the other person do it? You came to the post for a reason – use this motivation and desire to be the catalyst for your relationship. More than likely, the other person will follow your lead.

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9. Mix things Up

Finally, mix things up in your relationships to keep them fresh and secure. Try switching up or adding to your routine, challenging yourself to grow, or trying new things. By doing new things together, you can bring excitement to the relationship and improve your closeness.

To build meaningful relationships, you need to bring continually create new memories together.

Let’s say Bertha and Edna have been playing checkers once a week for the last fifteen years. Sure, they might have a good routine, ask each other questions, and follow up on each other’s lives. But eventually, the conversations will be following a similar loop.

If they were to go do something different (like, play chess – crazy!), they could have a new shared experience and something new to chat about.

By mixing things up, we allow the opportunity for us to grow as individuals and share that growth with each other. In this process of development and reflection, we will strengthen our bond with the other person.

Take inventory of what you do in current relationships and brainstorm new activities and ideas. If the people in your life are also looking for a more meaningful connection, chances are they will jump at the opportunity to mix things up.

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Conclusion

We all need secure relationships in our life to feel a sense of belonging. This belonging is developed through different types of relationships, including family, friends, proximity people, collective relationships, and romantic partners. Not only will a sense of belonging bring us more fulfillment, but it is necessary for our physical and mental health.

That being said, it can be difficult in today’s fast-paced world to build meaningful relationships.

Fortunately, there are nine simple steps you can take to strengthen your relationships and derive greater meaning from the people in your life.

1. Avoid the trap of superficial conversations
2. Reach out with a phone call or Facetime
3. Find common interests
4. Establish a routine
5. Ask questions
6. Listen and remember
7. Follow up
8. Be vulnerable
9. Mix things up

If you’re interested in learning more about how to find new connections in your life, read our next post.

If you’re also interested in living a happy and fulfilled life with meaningful relationships, take a moment to consider the questions below and post your answer in the comment section. Your brain will literally rewire, ever so slightly, if you do so, making the chances of meaningful relationships in your life that much more likely.

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FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS

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Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!

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EXPLORING YOURSELF

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How many meaningful relationships do you have in your life?

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Which of these steps will be easy for you to do? Difficult?

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How good are you at listening and asking questions?

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EXPANDING YOUR WORLD

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How has technology changed our level of connectedness?

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What effect does vulnerability have on a relationship?

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Why is it important to do new things?

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