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It’s time you reconsider your metrics for a meaningful life.

I grade over 250 student essays a year. For each one, I put a check in each rubric category. There are five criteria in total, including organization and argument, with a brief explanation for each.

I’m painfully aware of the fact that I’m the one both setting the standards and judging my students on them. But I’m the teacher, and it’s my job to choose measures of success that are in line with what they need to become better writers.

My students follow my metrics because they trust me as the authority figure in the room.

Essay grading isn’t the only thing that we use metrics of success. As humans, we like to define all kinds of success with the use of clear-cut metrics. Most notably, we define happiness with metrics for a meaningful life.

The metrics we’re using, however, are wrong.

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How People Use Metrics for a Meaningful Life

Every time a human brain receives a new piece of information, it carefully organizes it into a specific schema. The more information we collect, the more organized sections we can create. It’s kind of like a really complicated filing system (without the cute little colored post-it notes).

Our brains do this because we work best in clear, comparable metrics.

This is why humans love storytelling; we like that information can be placed into a beginning, middle, and end. It’s also why we compare ourselves to others. We need to know where we fit into the overall social hierarchy.

Two of our deep-rooted human tendencies are comparing ourselves to others and trying to determine our status.

There are evolutionary reasons for these qualities. Researchers have studied humans and our ancestral monkey cousins to prove it. (It matters who gets to sit on the higher branch, okay?). These causes are interesting, but we’re here today to talk about the effects of this brain wiring system.

In particular, why it’s making us unhappy.

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Comparison with the Wrong Metrics

Writing gives me great joy and satisfaction; I derive a lot of meaning from the activity. I’d love to write as a profession. However, my path from amateur blogger to full-time writer is unclear (if a path exists for me at all).

As I go about this pursuit, what success looks like will be very different for me depending on how I measure it.

For example, I might compare my writing career to the greats: J.K. Rowling, Jodi Picoult, James Patterson. Suddenly, my sights shift to publishing a bestseller (but like, a best bestseller) and becoming wildly rich.

If I use these metrics for a meaningful life, I’m almost guaranteed to fail.

However, I could be more realistic with my metrics. Perhaps I just want to be able to write regularly with an engaged audience. Now my chances at feeling successful skyrocket. If I publish that bestselling novel, it’ll be an exciting surprise. But if I don’t, I’ll still derive meaning from my writing pursuits.

You must evaluate what you’re using as metrics for a meaningful life.

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We’re Using the Wrong Metrics of Success

Let’s go back to the essay example. Imagine if I graded my student’s essays with an improper rubric. Like it, instead of organization and grammar, I assessed them based on their use of “adjectives that start with F” and the number of commas used. (What a, furious ferocious, disaster that, would,, be,.)

They wouldn’t achieve much success in the writing front, that’s for sure.

Now imagine if we graded every person’s life with a rubric on meaning and happiness. We could go down the list and check off specific criteria. (You own a 2006 Subaru Forester as your car? B- at best).

Society has created this false rubric for us, and a whole slew of advertisers, media, and public figures have perpetuated them throughout our culture. As a result, many of us are trying to earn the highest marks on this wrong rubric.

Not only are the categories on this rubric inaccurate, but the whole notion of using a universal rubric is wrong. How can we expect diverse individuals to all share the same metrics for happiness?

It’s time for you to break away from this cultural mindset.

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How to Create Your Own Metrics for a Meaningful Life: 3 Steps

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Step One: 3 Things You Need to Ignore

When you create your own metrics for a meaningful life, what is your first item of action? Stop listening to the wrong things. Whether it’s societal hogwash or your own brain biases, you need to learn to ignore the noise.

1. You need to ignore survivorship bias.

Survivorship bias is the error we make when we draw false conclusions from the success stories we see. We only hear about the successful people, and therefore pay more attention to them.

This visibility makes us believe it’s much more possible to be successful than it actually is.

For example, for everyone who tries to hit it big as a musician, less than 0.00001% will make it. But we don’t hear about 99.99999% of people that tried and failed. (We’re too busy stargazing at Ed Sheeran and Lady Gaga). So how does this affect our metrics for a meaningful life?

We compare ourselves to the minuscule percentage of people that do make it. First, this creates metrics for a meaningful like that are highly unlikely, which sets us up for failure. It also puts out of perspective all of the possibilities before the “ultimate success.”

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2. You need to ignore false cultural narratives and myths.

Our culture likes to give us false narratives about what our metrics for a meaningful life should look be. It can be easy to buy into them, too, with the amount of money spent on advertising.

The more knowledgeable you are on these myths, the more equipped you’ll be to ignore them.

• Money buys happiness

We like to say that money isn’t everything… but then we still attach a helluva lot of meaning to money anyway. Money becomes a blind motivator and the end of all of our daydreams. Research has shown that, after a specific income, money doesn’t increase happiness at all.

• We need more stuff to be happy

We live in an age of consumerism. Our society tells us to buy more, more, more. Advertisers play into our scarcity mindset and fear of missing out, further encouraging us to get more stuff. However, studies have proven that materialism links with decreased life satisfaction and overall wellbeing.

• Fame gives us meaning

We’ve created a culture in which drawing more attention from others equates to a higher status and power. Our culture has tricked us into thinking that we need to be famous to find meaning. In today’s age of media, fame is even more apparent – and seemingly within reach. It should come as no surprise, though, that fame is not linked with greater levels of happiness.

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3. You need to ignore media exposure.

If you’re wondering what perpetuates these false cultural narratives, then look no further than our current media consumption. The average adult intakes over 10 hours of media every day. That’s a lot of exposure to harmful messages.

Media isn’t inherently wrong, but the effects of it can be.

Our obsession with our smartphones takes us away from the present. In fact, the continuous checking of notifications rewires our brain. Not only are we losing our attention span, but we’re becoming addicted to technology.

Media also gives us a false sense of connection. Humans need to feel a sense of belonging. Online connections make us feel like we have relationships with others, but they lack the depth and meaning that we need.

Until we become more critical and strategic media users, media will continue to negatively influence our metrics for a meaningful life.

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Step Two: 3 Things You Need to Accept

Once you’ve fought back the messages you need to ignore, you need to shift your attention to three messages that you should think about.

1. You need to accept that you’re going to die.

You might be wondering why, when talking about metrics for a meaningful life, I start with death. It’s a valid question, but one for which I have a good answer. Humans are afraid of death. We do everything we can to avoid it, including making irrational decisions or ignoring the concept entirely.

By refusing to accept the fact that we’re going to die, we create impossible notions in our minds about what it means to live. Everything we do takes on this insurmountable significance.

Our unique lives are not some brilliant, infinite existence. We have 80 years on this planet, if we’re lucky. That’s 80 years on an earth that is, quite literally, billions of years old. In the grand scheme of things, we don’t matter.

This might seem depressing at first; however, it actually can be incredibly releasing. It allows us to let the weight of the world fall off our shoulders.

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2. You need to accept that you’re 1 in 7.8 billion people.

Did I make you feel insignificant enough with your time on Planet Earth? Well, let’s add to that. You’re 1 of 7.8 billion people alive right now. You’re also 1 of 108 billion people who’ve ever lived on Earth.

No matter what we do, we’ll never be able to impact the billions of people alive. We need to accept this fact and shrink our metrics down.

Maybe you want to pursue leadership. You probably won’t be able to become Supreme Leader of the World, but you could become the leader in your town. Or perhaps you’re inspired by life coaching. Focus on the small, dedicated circle of clients you have, rather than the millions out there that you don’t.

The sooner we accept our insignificance, the sooner we can shift our mindset about what a meaningful life should be.

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3. You need to accept that you’re not special.

How often did we grow up hearing, “You’re special.” And, if we didn’t hear it, how often did we want to be hearing it because we thought it was true?

By buying into this rhetoric, we set expectations for our lives that we’ll never reach. We set our metrics for “someone special” when we are, in fact, incredibly ordinary.

Consider something that you’re good at it. Maybe it’s drawing, or architecture, or talking to people. You might even be incredibly talented at it. But there are thousands of people in this world that are probably also incredibly talented at that same thing.

We don’t derive worth from our specialness. We derive worth from setting our personal metrics for a meaningful life.

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Step Three: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine Your Metrics for a Meaningful Life

You’ve ignored false messages, and you’ve swallowed down some harsh truths. What next? Well, you’ve set yourself up to create your own metrics for a meaningful life. And, like anything good in life, it starts with questions.

1. What gives you joy?

Joy is both the catalyst and the byproduct of meaning. Everyone’s happiness is different, and yours is no exception. What gives you joy? What things leave you feeling positive emotion? While you can’t experience a permanent state of joy, you should consider what things give you a sustained, deep-rooted sense of happiness.

2. What fills you with purpose?

Purpose is one of the universal elements for a meaningful life, but it looks different for everyone. We feel purpose when we feel like the work that we’re doing matters. Genuine purpose also comes from helping others in some way. Whether it’s as large-scale as running a non-profit or as small-scale as sending a kind message, finding purpose in your life is essential in defining your metrics for a meaningful life.

3. What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning?

Motivation can be a tricky thing, but ultimately, you need to consider what genuinely motivates you. When you wake up, what do you want to do with your day? What things give you energy rather than deplete your energy? If you try to attach someone else’s metrics to your own life, you’ll quickly find that your intrinsic motivation won’t be engaged.

4. What does success look like for you?

For this last question, you need to really quiet your mind to all of the societal pressures and narratives you’ve grown up hearing. Think of the three things you need to ignore and the three things you need to accept. Given your unique circumstances, strengths, and opportunities, what does success look like for you? What would you be happy with achieving?

5. What are you comparing your efforts to, and should you be doing this?

Ultimately, this is the question that you need to be aware of in your own life. As you evaluate your own life, are you comparing your efforts to someone else’s? Is that a fair comparison? At times, social comparison can be incredibly helpful. You might strive to be like your role model, or achieve something that you know is possible. However, remember that humans have a natural tendency to compare ourselves upward rather than downward. Don’t let yourself feel small for what you’re doing.

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By asking these questions, you can begin to define your own metrics for a meaningful life.

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Conclusion

Humans have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others and try to determine our status. In doing so, we tend to buy into a false set of metrics for success.

To achieve real meaning in our lives, we need to break away from the cultural mindset and define our own metrics for a meaningful life. There are three steps to do so:

Step One: 3 Things You Need to Ignore

1. Survivorship bias – the error we make when we only see success stories and pay more attention to them than we should
2. False cultural narratives – the false beliefs about what a meaningful life needs, including money, stuff, and fame
3. Media exposure – the constant dependency and information we absorb from media every day

Step Two: 3 Things You Need to Accept

1. You’re going to die – accept that your life is insignificant
2. You’re 1 in 7,000,000 people – understand that you need to narrow your scope of impact
3. You are not special – derive worth from your own experiences, not your specialness

Step Three: 5 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

1. What gives you joy?
2. What fills you with purpose?
3. What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning?
4. What does success look like for you?
5. What are you comparing your efforts to, and should you be doing this?

I guarantee you that if you follow these three steps, you’ll create a more meaningful and joyful life.

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FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS

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Comment below with answers, ideas, and more questions, or contact me to collaborate on a future post!

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EXPLORING YOURSELF

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What are you current metrics for a meaningful life?

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In what aspects of your life do you compare yourself to others?

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How do you define success in your life, and has this definition changed?

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EXPANDING YOUR WORLD

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How can we be more critical consumers of the media?

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How does the fear of death influence our behavior?

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What other biases affect our perception of success?

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